I Am Begging You To Stop Talking Through The Entire Service

It is a phenomenon that spans denominations, traditions, worship styles.  It has happened at every church I have ever attended and seems to know no gender, age, or creed.  And you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about as soon as I describe it:

The groups of people who whisper-talk and whisper-laugh their way through entire church services.

Before I get into this, I want to be clear about what I’m not referencing.  I’m not talking about the people here who may be visitors or guests or new Christians, who might not understand the general practices of a church environment.

I’m not talking about children, or individuals with disabilities, or anyone who for various reasons might not be able to always control their volume, speech, or register.

I’m not talking about the parents who have furiously whisper a conversation because John-John’s pacifier fell into Mrs. Susan’s purse or you think Grandma might need some air suddenly.

I’m not talking about cultural environments where this kind of engagement might be expected or desired.

What I am talking about, here, is a practice I frequently see from routine and longtime congregants, often friendly and familiar with each other and very much able to refrain from doing it, in services and contexts where this behavior is not standard. 

I’m talking about the four church ladies in the pew in front of you who spend thirty-five minutes whisper-talking through communion about the BBQ they just attended at Sandra’s house.

I’m talking about the BFFs across the aisle whose private jokes frequently result in explosions of choked-back but notable laughter in the middle of the sermon.

I’m talking about the husband who offers his observations on last night’s dinner with his parents to his wife’s ear in a steady stream of whispered talk while the pianist makes a valiant effort at a solo.

And I am begging—begging—ya’ll to stop.

Look, I get that we’re cool now.  We’re, like, here for Jesus, dude, and that’s it.  And I know that in America, to a large extent in certain faith traditions, we’ve rejected the formalities and etiquette of a formal church service that might seem daunting to some.  We don’t want to create barriers to Christ, the thinking goes, so we shouldn’t be policing people’s clothes, or the relative solemnity of the service, with staid expectations that Christ Himself doesn’t demand of us.

And I am on board with that—except sometimes, the talking is the barrier.

People, presumably, come to church to…well, experience church.  There’s a sermon.  There’s music.  There are readings.  As a general rule, I suspect the majority of the people who attend a service expect or even anticipate hearing and participating in certain things.  And I know people know this or they wouldn’t be whispering!  The whispering is a nod to the environment, a recognition that people have come to church to hear things that are Not You.

And yet!

The whispers are sometimes even more distracting than regular speech.  I don’t object to a quick interlude of quick whispered conversation, but when you’ve been whisper-talking since the introductory music up through communion I’m going to need to have a word.  To follow Christ is to serve others; to whisper through a service for those who worship Him is…well, not that.

What does whispering through a whole service do?

1. At the most basic level, it distracts.  People around you are not interested in your conversation.  They are interested, presumably, in the reason they came to church.  Constant whispering is a needless, incessant, and at times maddening distraction for fellow congregants.
2. You’re impeding hearing.  For elderly congregants, those hard of hearing, or people who struggle to hear through multiple sounds, whispered conversations can prevent them from literally hearing or understanding what is being said.
3. It disrespects the worship and the needs of others.  Please, please, please stop whispering during communion.  Some of your fellow congregants are trying to speak to God; they are trying to focus their hearts and reflect on their sins and Christ’s mercy; they find that very hard to do when those around them cannot give them the quiet they need to do so.
4. It creates a perception of you that may be inaccurate, but I would hope is unwanted.  Someone whispering through a service—particularly through communion—gives the perception of not much caring about what’s going on.  I sometimes wonder why people who hold an entire conversation over the course of a service come at all.  That may not be how they feel—but it’s how they act.  Is this really the impression you want people to have?
5. It is an act of unkindness to those you’re talking over: not just the pastor, but readers, musicians, youth group performers, whoever.

Perhaps more frustrating to me about this than any of the rest of it is that every service I’ve ever been at allows time for socializing!  People talk during the passing of the peace; they talk before the service and after; they sometimes talk in lulls when we’re switching from one thing to another.  There’s room to talk and space to talk and fellowship and warmth is encouraged: so why must we do it while the actual service is ongoing?

We all have to share the church and our lives in Christ with each other.  One of the best ways to do that is to simply be courteous.  If you’re a whisper-talker, please save that for the times when it is appropriate.  If you’re a friend to one, maybe gently speak a little truth in love—perhaps they don’t realize what they’re doing. And if you’re like me, frustrated and annoyed by how prevalent the practice seems to be, use the opportunity to strengthen that grace-and-forgiveness muscle…and strengthen your focus as best you can.

In this way, whisper-talking can provide a growth opportunity for all of us.

(Until it stops. And I really hope it stops soon).