When I was younger, I was inordinately concerned with people knowing I was a Christian. I was scared if I didn’t give some signal, they wouldn’t figure it out, and it was critically important that everyone understand I belonged to Christ. So I would fret over how to shoehorn my faith into a conversation, or I would make sure to wear a cross necklace or my icthus ring.
There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that—although the shoehorning regrettably probably pushed more people away than it brought near—but I came to realize over time that people in deep fellowship with Christ can be, at times, unmistakable. They may not be wearing visible markers of the faith and they might not mention Christ at all, and yet I knew. In fact, I was so confident that afterwards when I learned they were Christians I was completely unsurprised.
How?
I found five common behaviors. There are more, I’m sure—but the best Christians I know, the ones who draw people like a moth to a flame, all exhibit them. So I thought it would be worthwhile to list them out here because they provide something I think we can all aspire to in one way or another.
- They make people feel valuable and seen. A lot of Christians do a lot of talking about how we value people, how every single person is made in the image of God, and then they ignore the server who politely asks them a question at the table. The best Christians I know make people know that they matter and are beloved of God not by words but by actions: listening genuinely, seeking out those who get pushed to the margins or are often ignored, giving generously of their time and attention, and treating all interactions with all people as though they are encounters of great grace and worth.
- They’re joyful. Not all Christians have the same personality, but they all have a deep joy about them. It may be a genuine smile, or the laugh that echoes across the room, or a childlike curiosity. It’s a way of living that is deeply sincere and based in wonder and and settled surety of love. They don’t jostle for attention. They accept circumstances as they come. They exhibit, in one way or another, a sense of ease and satisfaction that comes of knowing their place in the world and that they don’t have to fight for it.
- They wear their suffering like a crown of grace. So many Christians I know and admire are actively hurting, suffering, enduring. But that suffering becomes an astonishing beauty on them. Their eyes are tired; sometimes their smiles are sad. Sometimes they wear the physical marks of their trials on their body. But they persevere without resentment, bitterness, or hatred. They sorrow, but the sorrow is grounded in knowing that the pain will end and redemption will make something rich of it.
- They are unafraid of differing beliefs. They’re difficult to outrage or shock. They keep good humor and openhearted affection in the face of persecution, contempt, or disdain. They do not shudder at the presence of those who are different or don’t share their beliefs, and don’t launch crusades and debates at the first sign of differing beliefs. They listen. They think carefully before they speak. They remain honest, but also richly kind and welcoming.
- They are alluring. Not every deeply committed is charismatic or charming or popular. But followers of Christ have a tendency to draw others in. Maybe it’s their welcoming or engaging nature. Maybe it’s the way they shrug off slights. Maybe it’s their distinct clarity of purpose or ability to bear up under suffering. Maybe it’s their commitment and dedication to the work they do. Whatever it is, people notice, and often find themselves drawn to it.
And I can’t stress enough that despite these common qualities, the people who possess them can be profoundly different. Right now I can think of a handful I know, and aside from these things they have little else in common. Such is the wealth of our diversity in Christ, and even the traits we share in Him can emerge in different and intriguing ways from person to person.
I hope that, as I continue to grow and change, I can retain some of these qualities myself. As it turns out, being a person lit from within by grace marks you as Christ’s far more than any t-shirt, piece of jewelry, or deliberately crafted conversation.
