I love my childhood church. And I have loved many of the churches I have attended since then. They helped me grow closer to God, taught me the value of prayer and Bible study, held me accountable to my relationship with Christ, and gave me a community and a place to worship.
What they did not do was teach me how to lead.
For a long time, I never thought much of this. I didn’t seek out leadership. At my home church I was a Sunday School teacher and led the youth group, but that was not in any context considered “leadership” since leadership, in that tradition, was considered the domain of men.
As I grew and developed my own career, I attended churches that did place women in positions of leadership. And yet it wasn’t clear how they got there or why they made the choices they did or how they thought about leading—that leadership might be an act that required particular skills or considerations. It simply wasn’t discussed.
And then I ended up in a leadership role in my career, one to which I appear to have been called by God, and I realized I had no idea what I was doing.
To be Christian and also to lead—particularly in a secular context—was more challenging than I expected.I didn’t always know how to live out my faith in my leadership role, or if I should, or in what ways. Nor did any Bible study prepare me for some of the challenges and temptations I encountered. The Christian guides on leadership I read seemed to primarily be written for men, and as such tended to dwell less on skills perceived as feminine (communication, consensus-building, collaboration) and more on skills that required dominance, assertiveness, and decision-making.
Fortunately God provided, as He always does. He taught me through relationships and trials and triumphs and—most particularly—failures. I am still learning. I’ve barely just gotten started. But what I wanted to do here, for any woman who finds herself in a leadership role—whether in her career, or her church, or in a Bible study, or in a social group—is to provide seven fundamental pieces of guidance that have proven critical to me.
- Find other admirable leaders walking in faith.
They may be in your sphere; they may be outside of where you lead. Find the leader whose style and approach resonates with you—and if you can, get to know them, befriend them, learn from them. Identify what about them honors God and appeals to you, and what you might emulate. When the opportunity for mentorship emerges, take it. If you can’t find any leaders locally, search up some good exemplars you can learn from at a distance—but I am almost certain there will be at least one individual available to you within a reasonable distance. If you are fortunate, and these people become part of your community, enjoy and cherish (and thank them for!) their blessing and encouragement. God will provide guides for you. Be on the lookout for them.
And hey—pay attention to leaders in Scripture, too. What can you learn from them?
- Identify your values.
This sounds simple. “Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself.” But what does that look like, daily? What does it mean for how you treat direct reports or those you oversee? For how you resolve conflicts? What standards will you define for yourself to guard your tongue, exercise discretion, and to speak in wisdom and truth? Figure it out before the sticky situation.
- Commit yourself to excel.
Work as a laborer wherever you have been placed: do your best at everything you can as much as you can as often as you can, for Scripture asks us to work as though working for the Lord. Avoid gossip, negativity, malice, and slander. Do your work well, even and especially in chaotic or discouraging times. Bear the fruit of the Spirit. Show peace and joy and love in whatever context you happen to be in. Leading often means guiding others—commit to do that well and fully.
- Lean into your own style.
I am a relationship person. I am a collaborator. I am a consensus-builder. I am a diplomat. This is all part of who I am; I bring it into my career. I’m never going to be curt or brusque. I approach painful conversations with kindness. I like to always assume the best of others as a first principle. This is my style; it may not be everyone else’s. That’s okay. I have to be me. And you have to be you. Don’t try to be “a leader.” Be you, leading.
- Draw sharp emotional boundaries.
I almost hesitated to write this because I don’t want to fall into stereotypes. But I do find that women, even in positions of leadership, are often perceived to be more emotionally available than others. And, sometimes, even in positions of leadership, women are given the duty of being emotional caretakers for others: perpetual soothers, encouragers, commiserators, therapists, cheerleaders, fixers.
Be kind. Be loving. Be encouraging. But recognize where the boundaries are and should be. The people you lead are not your children or spouse or parent or even best friend. But those lines begin to blur when people see you as a sounding board, confidant, co-conspirator, or dumping ground and use you as a way of dealing with their emotions. This will eat up your time, your energy, and your sense of well-being. Draw kind and respectful lines early and often.
- Cultivate humility.
Leadership unintentionally causes a lot of main-character syndrome. It is easy to feel like your thoughts and feelings are the center of the whole world. Surround yourself early with people who keep your feet on the ground and who will be honest when you need it the most. Beg God for humility. Be willing to be wrong and to challenge yourself regularly. Don’t let the pride or the self-righteousness take root. Laugh often, including at yourself.
- Expect sacrifice.
Leadership will cost you something. I don’t always mean time or energy (although it certainly can). And it can also certainly cost you balance in other areas of your life. What I mean is that leadership is painful. People will gossip, or say things that aren’t true. Criticism can be constructive, but sometimes it’s also just nasty. Your own hurt on a given day may not take precedence over someone else’s. As someone with responsibility for others, you may end up doing a lot of listening and a lot less of pouring your own heart out to someone who can console. Find outlets. Learn to forgive over and over and over. Take it all to God. Lean on friends. Let the Holy Spirit fill you back up.
Not everyone is meant for leadership. But for women who do end up in such a position, whether in their church community or outside of it, applying mindful guidance and principles in advance can prevent a world of hurt and help you to be effective and to serve in a godly way. Read Proverbs and put the guidance into practice; pray all the time; don’t delude yourself that you are better than anyone else because of the role that you are in; use your authority as a way to bless others.
And pray for your sisters in leadership, too. We all need it more than we know.
Samaritan's Song 